When I was about to enter 4th grade my brother was about to enter 5th (although we were almost two years apart).
i has been caught in small lies before
he showed me porn that year and I was caught with it
i told them he showed me and they called me a liar.
so when he started to molest me I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to be called a liar again.
right before I started 6th grade my sister had a failed engagement. She had always been a bully but she chose to turn her hurt on me then.
she was convinced I would get married before her. She was almost 12 years older than me.
so she despised me.
she called me fat and would starve me for days when my parents weren’t home. She wouldn’t let me do anything and kept our dogs away from me too.
i became very depressed. My depression was met with “YOULL get over it“ and quit acting like that.
What made it worse was my brother was favored. Not just praised more but where I wasnt allowed a phone or internet or fully tv access or even a fish, he was gifted new iPhones, laptops and pets)
i self harmed. I had failed suicide. a couple years after her abuse partially stopped: I was stupid and had almost no internet access thanks to my brother. I drank chemicals that made me choke burned but I didn’t do it right.
they never noticed I was vomiting for days. my breath and myself smelled like chemicals.
someone at school noticed a small scar and I got in trouble.
when confronted by my parents they asked why and I told them about my sister verballing abusing me and other things but not to the full extent.
my dad made decisions as far as discipline and my mom usually complied.
he said they knew. They hoped she’d just stop eventually. And I was left with her constantly.
i knew I shouldn’t say any more.
my dad cheated and left my mom. She was heartbroken he had gone behind her back for years. She had been with him for 30.
in her time away we grew closer. She became interested in my emotional state and my actual wellbeing. Last year she asked me if there was anything I wanted to say to her now about growing up and my childhood anything I didn’t like.
im almost 23 now
i knew she meant with my dad mostly
but I knew I still couldn’t be honest
she was so broken by him I knew she couldn’t handle it
not all of what my sister did
especially not my brother
I guess I am still just a liar.