Hey! My name is Sebastian and I was molested by my best friend’s dad from ages 8-10.
People often ask me why I let it go on for so long, and there are a number of reasons.
Sometimes when I was getting molested, I would get boners.
And I thought that if I told my parents, they would confront the guy who had been molesting me, and he would admit to what happened, and say yeah I did that, but he got boners... he liked it. And I thought that was going to be the end of it. And I was worried about how embarrassing it would be. I thought people would think I was gay.
I also thought that I would lose my friend if I spoke up.
When I did eventually tell my parents what happened, we had to go to court, and the guy didn’t get convicted. Unfortunately there wasn’t any hard evidence, despite lots of circumstantial evidence (other kids testifying that they saw him come into our room late at night on multiple occasions, and other things).
The way our judicial system is set up, it’s rare to get molestation convictions without witnesses having seen it happen.
I had to testify in front of 50 adults, including the guy who molested me (ridiculous that the right to confront your accuser holds in child cases).
After the trial, I basically didn’t talk about it until I was 22 and did Stand-up Comedy for the first time. I did a set about my molestation experience, and afterwards felt the most unbelievable feeling of freedom from these emotions I’d suppressed my whole life.
I ran through the streets of New York yelling and crying happy tears of release.
I realized that talking (and sometimes laughing) about your experience empowers you and allows you to face these fears that we have suppressed. Fears about how we'll be perceived and judged.
Talking about it allows us to begin unpacking what happened.
And now I can’t stop talking about it.
It went from something that I was afraid to talk about to a topic that feels more empowering every time I talk about it.
I’ve started a podcast called “What happened to you?” where I share my story and interview other people about the experiences they’ve been through.
From child molestation to double parental suicide,
Everyone’s got something. You're not alone. And together we can not only heal ourselves, but heal others along the way.
Thank you for reading.